Are you with the cat in front of you or with the one in your head?
While pet sitting in the San Francisco area I had an opportunity to stay with an adorable young cat called Mia. She is beautiful, very vibrant and a very sweet girl. She loves playing with toys and is a very curious cat. She will be checking where are you and what are you doing. She will follow you around. When she came to me which looked like a welcome and started to rub around my legs I kneel down to her and gave her my hand which she rubbed around too. So I started petting her around her face. And that was my mistake. Without having enough knowledge about her I just started to treat her like I would other cats I previously met. I assumed that she will like human touch. I was with the cat in my head, not the one in front of me. And she was okay for a minute or so but then she pawed me, started hissing and she bit me. From that moment I couldn’t even move my hand without her hissing and scratching me. She was watching my hand very closely making sure that I won’t move anywhere near her. And she didn’t do me any big harm but enough to feel it and enough to notice that she doesn’t like being touched. And that’s okay. I should never assume that. That was my mistake, not hers. She just communicated to me what she doesn’t want. In my opinion, that’s fair.
That experience and consequences I received taught me very well to always check and not assume. When you want to pet a cat (as a rule of thumb) I recommend to do roughly 3 strokes[1], stop and see how they react. That gives them the time to decide if they want you to continue or not anymore. If you see that they stayed near you and rubbed their head on your hand you can try again. If they walked away - it’s a clear sign that they don’t want more interaction just now. Importantly! If they rolled on their back - it’s not necessarily an invitation for a belly rub! Some cats might like it but many of them don’t. Therefore, always test your assumptions. If you just continue, you might get bitten. Your cat might like belly rubs but other cats won’t. It takes good observation skills to know what the cat in front of you wants. Fortunately, your observational skills can get better with practice. Let’s call the rule 3xS
Stroke 3x
Stop
See the reaction.
And when you test your interaction, try finding something that both of you enjoy. If your cat loves playing with toys, maybe you can stick to that? If your cat prefers your touch maybe you don’t have to try to make them play? Sometimes, just accepting the cat in front of us is the easiest and kindest thing to do.
Be a superhero for your cat, she will love you for it!
[1] I heard about doing only 3 strokes and waiting for the reaction on dog clicker training workshops from Sarah Whitehead. She said she learnt it from someone too, however, I don’t remember the name of that person.