Is your dog your best friend or your prisoner? [Controversy alert!]
Disclaimer! He can be both!
Disclaimer 2! It's not about consciously choosing to make your dog your prisoner. It's not about people who don't love their dogs. You might really love your prisoner and make friends with him. It's about seeing things from your dogs' point of view.
Photo by Keighla Exum on Unsplash
Have you ever wondered what your dog thinks about all the choices you make for him? We say, our dogs are our best friends but are we best friends to them too?
How many times have you thought back about the things you demand from your dog? Do you consider him being a free entity with his own needs and wants?
You control so much of your dogs' life. You give him shelter, provide with a bed, you provide him with food and it's the food of your choosing, you choose the time of his meals, portions, you choose when and for how long he goes out and you control if he mates or not. Yet, you might have been led to believe that you need to control even more and don't allow him any choice. Does that not sound a little bit like a prison to you?
When you took your dog to your household, you became his caregiver. Of course, you are there to provide him with shelter, food, veterinary care, walks, etc. I'm absolutely not trying to say that you should now allow him to do anything whenever he pleases. I do not advocate anything that can be dangerous for your dog, like letting him roam the city freely whenever he pleases without you around for safety. Yes, he might like that but we can make our walks equally fun for him so he chooses to stay with you.
Photo by Hermes Rivera on Unsplash
Let the dog be dog.
You can have high and unrealistic expectations of how your dogs should be. You might have seen a border collie in your local park stopping mid-run when his owners gave him a cue and continue only on the release cue. But have you seen the training and work that went into it? Do you think that another dog can be just "born this way"?
I would argue that it's possible to think of a dog as your best friend, whom you love dearly and can't see a world without and still think that he should be like a robot, who always responds to all yours needs and wants. You might have been led to believe that you need to be "a pack leader" and if you won't demand compliance, your dog will become a danger to your whole family and will "rule your household". But have you ever tried to do it any other way? How can you know that by giving your dog a choice, he will start to "rule your household" when you never tried it and don't know anyone who did? I know many people personally who give their dogs choice (and there is a lot more I never met) and never their household was in danger of being run by a dog. Maybe you just do things that are unnecessary not because you chose to do them but simply because you didn't think of trying the alternative?
Photo by Sarah ( animal photography ) on Unsplash
How to give your dog choice safely?
Giving your dog choice can start from a simple question ‘would you like to go this way or this way’? Even before that, ‘would you like to go this fast or you prefer to slowly check the surroundings’? When you have a goal in mind that you have to walk a certain route, you expect from your dog to keep your pace. Instead, you can plan to be out on a walk for a certain amount of time and let your dog choose where to go and when to move. He might want to check out all the messages left for him in the grass by sniffing and that is enough of his exercise. Sniffing is incredibly important for our dogs! The amount of information that they can get from it is enormous. You will be surprised how tired your dog can get from slowing down on the walk and allowing him to check everything out thoroughly.
Ken Ramirez in his Live from the Ranch (free hour-long virtual event)* whenever he works with his dog Marlin, he asks him 'Would you like to give me a paw?'. Isn't that beautiful? It’s an indication that his dog has a choice to participate or not in the training session and the choice is respected. When you allow your dog to say 'no thank you, not right now', you create trust. You can, later on, come back and try again starting from something easy. 'How about now? Would you like to give me a paw?', 'Would you like to do a spin?' whatever it is that your dog has been taught to do, you can make it even more compelling when you allow him to say ‘no’. He won't just run your household because he can say 'I'm not in a mood for a training session, thank you very much'. When he says ‘no’, it can be information that your training could benefit from making it easier for him to do. Breaking the training down into smaller chunks that you heavily reinforce by giving him lots of treats for every small approximation is best known way to keep his interest high. The more fun you make it, the more likely he will be to choose the training session. It will be your responsibility to make it fun so he actually chooses it. If he refuses to do a behaviour he normally does it can also potentially indicate a medical issue and that needs to be ruled out. It gives you more chances to look for alternative reasons for him saying ‘no’ rather than ‘he is just stubborn’. When you do that, your dog will choose the training session not because he has to or because it's demanded from him but because it's the most fun activity for him. You still ask him to do things and you still control a lot of things in his life but now you become partners.
As partners, you can choose together with your dog what is good for him. Giving him choice and the element of control of his own life is not going to threaten you but is going to enrich his life and make it even more enjoyable. Wouldn't you like to give that to your best friend?
Be a superhero for your dog, he will love you for it.
Photo by Grace Brauteseth on Unsplash
