Low self-confidence battles that you cannot see

When I moved to the UK and started to take all of my dog training courses, I quickly realised how much I still don’t know. It’s a very common feeling - the more you learn the more you find out how much more to learn there is. It got me on a path of continuous learning but it started to feel like an addiction. My thoughts were going “I can’t start my own business. I need to do one more course”. I constantly felt that I didn’t know enough. 

I’m not the only one feeling this way (I talked with many trainers on those courses and conferences). I want to share my story of how I’m overcoming my low self-confidence. It’s not a story with a finish line. It’s a story of a process that will continue for the rest of my life.

Confidence is not something you HAVE, it’s something you DO. 

You can feel confident in one area and not so confident in other areas. Travelling alone for 8 months showed me that I can deal with unforeseen problems that naturally arise on the way and I can adapt easily. When I was at Peggy Hogan’s clinic, even though I noticed that I understood and applied animal training concepts much better than I gave myself credit for, the low confidence in my training abilities continued. When Debbie Marrin at San Francisco Zoo said “you’re a natural giraffe trainer”, I laughed and felt like an imposter. When I started volunteering at an animal shelter back in Poland, I felt like an imposter again.

The problem was, I saw all of my failures as proof that I’m not good enough yet. I was easily focusing on the “failures” and dismissing all the wins.

The change started from refocusing on what's important

We can actively choose to focus on our wins (no matter how small they seem) and celebrate them. I gave myself a task - every evening before going to bed, write down 10 things that you did well that day or things that you are grateful for. In the beginning, I struggled to write just a few. Now, I sometimes can't stop at 15! This little habit helped me see more of my wins even when I felt like there are no wins at all! It shifted my focus.

“Failure” can be seen as an information-gathering process

I continue to have thoughts "it wasn't good enough", "you failed" and many more like that. I didn't get rid of them but it also wasn't my intention! What I focus on is not eliminating those thoughts and negative feelings but rather I focus on what I do when I notice them. I can get into the negative spiral and continue to feel like a "failure" for the rest of the day. Or I can notice that I have the thought, see it disappear and actively start to think "what is it that I did well today?" and "what can I learn from this". There is always something to find there, no matter how small. We can actively start looking for learning points alongside our wins. Both can be hard to find, especially when you first try it but the more often you do this, the easier it gets.

The biggest training ground was my work at the shelter (volunteering)

I remember that when I focused on the shelter as a whole and wanting to help all dogs, I quickly felt that my work doesn't have any meaning and it's pointless. When with the help of amazing people at Animal Training Academy, I shifted my focus on the individual dogs in front of me, I started to be able to see the wins. Now, even when the progress might seem small, I'm grateful for how much I learn from all my interactions with the animals there! Sometimes it's brief moments but it can all add up. It's a difficult environment and not everything goes as I planned. Still, I was able to find a way to practice many of the concepts I'm learning about, even when it wasn't originally intended. Sometimes I was pushed to it as there was no other option. I practised constructional affection, working with multiple animals at the same time, I used the contrafreeloading concept and I practised start buttons. It would be beneficial for me to practice that in a less chaotic environment but I still managed to make the best out of a situation I found myself in. It might sometimes seem like nothing but to me, it's already a lot and that's what's the most important.

I will continue on this journey for the rest of my life. It will have its ups and downs but confidence is something I DO, not something I can have once and for all. The moment I feel doubts, I will do my best to allow it to be and when I can (without running away from uncomfortable feelings) refocus on my strong points instead. It won’t be easy but I’m sure it will be worth it. I hope you can join me on this journey. 

Feel free to contact me or comment and share about your journey. It’s easier to walk this path together.